We’ve all come out of bad relationships before, where we’ve really resented the other party for ditching us. And one piece of advise you’ll always hear is: “Happiness is the best revenge.”

The concept being, if you move on in your life and find someone to cherish and love that also loves you back, you’ll be getting back at your ex because now you’ve got everything they denied you.

Well that’s nice and all, but that’s not really getting back at them, is it? Unless that new person is someone you can rub in your ex’s face, like your ex’s most-recent current, or their sibling/parent etc… Kinda like in this hilarious short film:

The problem is, having sex with your ex’s parent isn’t always a viable option, for a whole variety of reasons.

Another option is to boil their pet rabbit, or stalk and then try to kill them while repeatedly yelling “You love me, I know it!”… but that’s kinda psychotic.

But the method I think works best, is to do what people like Taylor Swift and Avril Lavigne have done, which is to get insanely famous and then writing a hit single about what they missed out on.

Because what is success if it’s not being rubbed in the face of your ex, right? How happy could one be without having indulged in some vindictive behavior? Wouldn’t it be so much better if millions of people in the world heard the story about what an asshole/bitch your ex was?

Taylor Swift’s song is the more passive example, with a more cheerful tune and relatively innocent lyrics. But the spiteful message is still there, and that’s Swift saying: “I’ve got six Grammy Awards, and you’re still just an angry moron in a small town.”

Avril Lavigne doesn’t really try to hide the spite in this song at all. It’s kinda disguised in the sense that the gender of the characters in the song have been switched around, but who is she kidding? It’s pretty obvious that somewhere along the line, Avril was dumped by some guy who had a problem with her baggy clothes.

A setback that might keep regular people from achieving this kind of pop star success is that you generally have to be quite attractive to do so… or at least be able to sing. But if you can write well, that shouldn’t stop you at all! Look at what Scott Neustadter and Michael Weber did with (500) Days of Summer:

That’s right, you could just write and sell a screenplay that does the same thing!

You know, this whole concept doesn’t necessarily have to be restricted to ex’s. It could be applied to anybody that has wronged you in the past, really. It could be that teacher that never believed in you, your ex-boss that rode on your coattails without any appreciation, or that guy who created a Facebook photo album entitled “People I don’t like a lot” and then put your profile pic in it.

If you work hard, then someday you’ll get a chance to really rub their faces in shit. Until then, tomorrow is another day.

Buuuuuuuuut, like what that quote from American History X says:

“Life’s too short to be pissed off all the time.”

The ex-girlfriend from hell

About Drew

I love my kids, my wife movies and video games (in no particular order). Sometimes my dog too, but he likes to stink up my pillow these days.

16 responses »

  1. zezil says:

    Don’t forget the person who perfected this——Adele!!!

  2. zezil says:

    Have you heard of this?

    “In terms of 1 to Adele, how bad was your break-up?”

    You don’t listen to her? Wow. That’s new. I like her but not too much though. Just right.

    • drewpan says:

      The wifey likes Adele. I actually don’t really like the way Adele sings, to be honest. Something about the way she drags out her S-es like she’s in House Slytherin or something.

      • zezil says:

        Harry Potter reference? JK has a new book! Woot woot! Cant wait for it!

        According to musicians, the type of her voice is the factor that sets her apart, its contralto or something to that effect…Anyway, it is okay if you dont like her. At least wifey does. So by degree of relation…you are a fan as well! Haha =b

      • drewpan says:

        Oh no! But I guess by your logic, she would also be a Rentals and Liz Phair fan too, so that’s okay.

      • zezil says:

        Fair enough! =)

  3. Addie says:

    I like the quote, and the choice of songs, and Zooey, and the boiling of the ex’s pet animals, and…oh, not that thing with their parents. Ugh. Funny but this reminds me of the shirt I’ve always wanted to have. It has a print that says, “Careful or you’ll end up being in my novel.”

  4. Glad you didn’t mention Adele as the poster child for “let me write a whole album about how miserable I am after that dirty, stinkin’ bastard broke up with me.” Sounds like a lot of ‘pity me’ whining if you ask me. Girl, don’t bore us with your righteous chest thumping. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and move on.
    And please go away for a few months to a year, if that’s possible (and take Katy Perry with you), because whether people want to admit it or not, you’ve overstayed your welcome. Thanks for giving me the forum to rant, Drew, but as you can tell, I am not an Adele fan, and I want the world to know it.

    • drewpan says:

      No, dude… that’s great! I’m glad to know there are other people out there that dislike Adele! And that Rolling in the Deep song is now a staple for pub cover bands all around… URGH!

      • No, mate … even worse, that song has now become the go-to song for every reality show wanna-be who wants to show how sincere and gut-wrenching they can be.
        please, make it stop…
        hmmm … i see a post in my very near future!

      • drewpan says:

        I just realized something: while Adele initially didn’t make the list because there isn’t a single Adele song in my MP3 collection, I now know that she doesn’t really belong there, because her songs are, like you said, about wallowing in self-pity and moaning.
        The songs I was looking for had a more “Look how famous and fabulous I am now, you ass-hat” vibe to them.

  5. Tammie says:

    i think you all being jealous of pretty Adele.
    she sings very well,hers songs has messages.all i gotta to say is you all sould stop hating on her!!!


    love to bits 🙂 🙂 🙂

  6. get her back says:

    I love anything & everything that is written well… yeah you got some good content going on there for sure.

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