If you are reading this, then chances are you are aware of the evil forces that exist in and beneath our dimension, waiting to strike at us when we’re unprepared.
There are many ways to defend yourself against these evil forces, like building up your cardiovascular endurance, stocking up on Spam, and keeping a fair amount of sports equipment in your home – like bats, golf clubs and smelly shoes. But these methods are only effective against their physical strikes…
So how do you protect yourself from the psychic attacks? How do you train your brain to resist their mind control?
I’m glad you asked, because I have the answer:
You have to train your brain to turn into mush on demand.
You see, for a psychic alien, your brain is like an open book. Once they probe your brain, your thoughts are like words on a page to them. They can easily read what you’re thinking, and if the pages are blank (ie you’re not deep in thought), they can even fill in the blanks for you and imprint their will upon your psyche.
So the thing to do is suddenly fill your head with incoherent mush. They can’t read it, and they can’t write over it.
But how do you train your brain to do that? Why, the answer lies in these two videos.
A friend sent me links to these videos on YouTube. They’re nothing new, but these videos have been edited to be hours in length! So that’s hours and hours of incredibly repetitive nonsense.
You can warm up by listening to He-Man covering 4 Non-Blondes. This is a 5 hour video, and I managed to withstand 50 mins of it on my first attempt. That’s like, an episode of Game of Thrones!
But the real challenge lies with the 100 hour Nyan Cat video. I put this one on my headphones while I was at work, and I managed to keep my mind blank with it for 3 1/2 hours, before finally relenting and listening to some Nightwish instead.
Strangely enough, I swear my productivity went up during these few hours, because I didn’t need to worry about which MP3s I wanted to listen to next, and the Nyan nyan nyan blocked out all superfluous thought, so I could just concentrate on my animations.
So there you go. Plug yourself into these videos, and try to see how much of them you can absorb and tolerate. And whenever you feel a psychic attack coming on, you can just quickly go back to the safe Nyan haven and block out all psychic probes.
As an added benefit, listening to these songs over and over again increases the chance that you’ll also dream about them. That in turn will increase your defense against dream-based attacks, like those of Freddy Krueger and Leonardo Di Caprio.
PS YouTube seems to be able to resume a video that you were watching from the moment you left now. While digging up these videos on YouTube again, they resumed at the 50 min and 3.5 hour marks – exactly where I left off! Hurray for YouTube upgrades!