Recently I was talking to a friend, and basically she’s in a relationship that honestly seems quite self-destructive as they argue a lot and have vastly different ideologies.

The thing is, I know the guy too, while I think he’s a pretty stand up and decent guy, that doesn’t discount the fact that they’re both pretty different people and will eventually end up with a press release that says: “The couple have separated, citing irreconcilable differences as the reason.” 

So I was trying to convince her to date other people, she was all like “You have to work hard at relationships. They don’t always just fall nicely into place and there’s no such thing as a perfect relationship.”

True, but constant bickering isn’t a sign of a healthy working relationship either. And for that matter, it’s not like she an expert on guys and relationships because she’s only ever dated one kind of guy. Different faces, different voices, but always the same basic archetype like all the James Bond actors over the years.

That’s like saying you’re a huge movie fan, even though you only ever watch one particular genre. Would Roger Ebert be considered an expert movie critic if he only ever watches horror movies?

If you only ever date one genre of guys, you’ll never really know what else is out there. Maybe you like the perennial favorite “bad-boy with a heart of gold”, but you might find that you actually really enjoy being with someone that who is more open with their emotions. Or maybe, just maybe, you might find that you even prefer someone like Ross from Friends. 

Jake from Melrose Place, the archetypal bad boy with a heart of gold

Another problem she has is that she doesn’t really date. She goes from long-term relationship to long-term relationship, which honestly doesn’t give her the time or opportunity to meet and hang out with different types of guys. But really, why handicap yourself like that?

Let’s go back to the movie analogy. So maybe you’re a massive fan of sci-fi movies… but should that stop you from watching the trailers of rom-coms or period dramas? Nobody is asking you to commit four hours to watch Dances with Wolves, but surely you can spare two minutes to see the trailer?

And that’s what dating is, right? A movie trailer. A quick glimpse at what a relationship with this person could be like, condensed into an evening.

Casual dates can be fun – just ask Jesse and Celine

Much like the 1998 remake of Godzilla, trailers can sometimes be incredibly deceptive and psyche you up for what is actually a crappy movie… but just as you can walk out of a Godzilla screening, you can also stop seeing someone after the second date, if it even got that far.

So please, for those of you who are still dating, don’t restrict yourself to one genre. Go out there and watch a ton of movie trailers and see what else is out there before deciding on a movie with a ridiculous run-time.

Because it’s Follow Friday, go and check out A Confederacy of Spinsters, a blog that follows the dating misadventures of three unmarried writers in Texas. I’m probably not supposed to read that blog because I’m a guy, but nevertheless, it’s hilarious stuff!


About Drew

I love videogames, movies, my wife and my dog (in no particular order).

15 responses »

  1. Vividhunter says:

    Nice tip, consider Confederacy followed ^^ I’ve been talking relationships with my girlfriends recently – girls who haven’t had a serious boyfriend in the past decade, just a series of speed-date meetups – and if anything their expectations of a future boyfriend/husband are getting higher by the year (60k salary, full-time work, full head of hair, never been married late 30s guy who isn’t creepy…). At least your friend is giving a guy a go (even if they’re all kind of the same guy). Maybe, once this relationship does come to a close, you could introduce a friend who is a different type of guy to her?

    • Drew says:

      We tried… she didn’t bite. Your friends sound like some of my guy friends. It’s almost like a self-sabotaging reaction to raise expectations to ridiculously high standards so that they’d never need to actually enter a relationship with anybody.

  2. I guess (though hopefully not) someday something bad enough will happen in one of her LTRs that she will make a change – you are wasting your breath trying to give good advice to her, as a woman with past questionable taste in relationships, there’s no telling some people 🙂

  3. Sounds like she’s got the perfect guy pigeoned holed so it would be impossible for any man to casually land in perfectly on that square. I know I’m incredibly lucky. My husband and I never really dated, but we somehow just fell into each others laps. We are similar in many ways, but have some different hobbies. Most of all we respect each other enough to understand our disagreements. We never fight. To some people that is weird I guess. A sense of humour helps. We laugh every day.

    We have a friend that is on the hunt for the perfect asian girlfriend. Of course asian girls aren’t all the same, but it’s always the same type. Same kind of archetype over and over over again. Maybe I should be flattered, but part of me is kind of just grossed out. Are you fulfilling a sexual fantasy or have you genuinely fallen in love with the same thing over and over again?

    • Drew says:

      What’s his definition of a “perfect Asian girlfriend”? I hope it’s not “obediently walking 3 paces behind.”

      • Not so much obedient. She’s usually a party girl who is very, very thin and beautiful. Unemployment seems to be a reoccurring theme. Maybe I’m just feeling threatened or weird about it because she’s all the things I’m not, yet I have to “make friends” with the same type of girls over and over again.

        With your friend’s, do you have to make friends with her new boyfriends if you want to hang out with your friend?

      • Drew says:

        Well, put it this way… you might think she is all the things you’re not, but you’re the one with a cute rabbit and a happy marriage. I’m sounding a wee bit judgmental here, but she’s probably going to have a short-lived career as one of those girls standing next to a shiny car at those conventions. So go figure.

        I didn’t like the previous guy, but current guy is a pretty alright guy. Like I said, I like the guy, but I just have doubts about their compatibility.

  4. You are completely right. I love what I have. I shouldn’t worry or think too hard about all these girls.

    It’s weird I guess having instant new friends when friends bring new girlfriends/boyfriends into “the circle”. Maybe he’s trying not to confuse us too much by essentially dating the same girl over and over?

    Sometimes we have friends that find partners that I adore way too much. I feel like I would be just as heartbroken if they ever broke up. In those cases I almost want to tell them they must get married because I want them both in my lives forever and I’m too selfish to choose one or the other. 🙂

    • Drew says:

      That’s true.There was this guy dating a friend and I thought he was pretty cool. They broke up, but after a while he ended up dating another friend. But now they’re broken up as well.

      As for your friend, think of his girlfriends like Iron Man’s suits. All of them since Mk II have been pretty similar, just with slightly different color schemes. You gotta change it up for the sequels, but still retain an overall sense of identity.

  5. As for your friend, maybe she is attracted to the drama of constant bickering. I do not understand why one would want to be in a stressful relationship. As for me, I do not really like to just casually date. I usually pursue someone if I think it is a potential long term relationship, I do not believe in wasting my time.

    • Drew says:

      But how do you find out who could be worth pursuing in a long-term relationship if you don’t date first? I think of dating as a trial run… that way you can find out if someone is suitable and not feel too committed to break it off if things aren’t working out.

      • Well, I tend to know right away if a person has “long-term potential”. I know exactly what I want I guess, and you are right, maybe if I would have dated more than this could have led to more “long term potentials”. But right now, I’m happy with my current choice so I do not need to think too much about dating at the moment.

  6. Addie says:

    I’m glad there’s this post. 🙂

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