Your parents, especially your mother, are supposed to be people that you can absolutely trust… but I lost my sense of trust in my mother a long time ago. Like, I think I stopped trusting my mom before I hit puberty.

“No, mom… NOOOO!”

You see, I have Asian parents, and one thing about Asian culture is they love to eat weird stuff. WEIRD stuff. If it looks bad, smells bad, or hurts your mouth to eat, then Asians will be all over that like cops in a donut shop.

Somehow, the “need to eat crap” gene must’ve skipped a generation because my siblings and I absolutely loathe that stuff. However, that hasn’t stopped my mom from trying to feed us that stuff.

I remember as a kid, she’d prepare these foul-smelling herbal teas for us. I can’t remember what it is, but it was probably made from boiling ginseng, bird spit and fermented horse piss together. But because it was black in color, she’d tell us that it was Coca Cola.

Trust me, this is NOT Coca-cola

And I must admit, I fell for it the first couple of times. But later on, it was only my fear of absolute parental authority that made me continue drinking that stuff while I gagged and turned blue.

Let’s face it, kids aren’t stupid. We noticed the subtle differences after a while, like the lack of fizz and you know, the FUCKING HORRIBLE SMELL. To continually treat us like idiots served only to widen the relationship gap between parent and child. Once I became a teenager and discovered the joy of rebelliousness, you can bet that shit went down the sink when she wasn’t looking.

It wasn’t just funky herbal teas that my mom would try to trick us with… it was weird intestines and other stuff, which she’d just describe as “mystery meat” or something, and foul-smelling fruits which she’d say was candy.

I’m not the only one that’s been the victim of such lies. My colleague was telling me that his mom used to trick him into eating frogs’ legs by telling him it was turkey!

So really, after all those condescending lies, am we really supposed to believe everything our moms say at face value?

About Drew

I love my kids, my wife movies and video games (in no particular order). Sometimes my dog too, but he likes to stink up my pillow these days.

7 responses »

  1. letizia says:

    hahaha, this is so funny! I’m French and grew up eating all sorts of odd things as well, although nothing that made my mouth hurt so I think you’ve beat me there! But we grew up eating snails and frog legs (which were my favorite!). I’m now a vegetarian (although I happily cook meat for others, it doesn’t bother me) and my family jokes that I’m vegetarian because I ate enough weird meat as a child to last a lifetime 🙂

    • drewpan says:

      I gotta say, I really like those garlic snails! Frog legs just taste like chicken to me, although it’s so small and I feel like it’s too much effort to nibble around those bones to get something that tastes like chicken.

      I don’t think it’s the weird food that bothers me as much as the constant lying hahaha!

  2. I love weird food. I haven’t always but as a adult, the weirder the more intriguing. As long as it is FOOD (and not some random item you’ve dreamed up), I’m willing to try it.

    Thankfully, my husband will allow me my eccentricities. He is not an adventurous eater by nature but he will accompany me if I really want to. In a restaurant in Vietnam last year, he killed a snake and I ate it’s raw heart. We drank it’s blood and bile in vodka and then ate the rest of the snake cooked by professionals. That’s love.

    I don’t remember my parents promising me that stuff would taste like something else, but we did have to be tricked into finishing our dinners. One constant was that if we didn’t finish our rice, for every grain of rice left in the bowl, our future husband would have a mark on his face. I’m married now and I can assure you it was not true.

    • drewpan says:

      Hahaha I used to be told that very same old wives’ tale too! As such, I would eat up everything from my plate, or at least keep the scraps tidy.

      My wife on the other hand, is not as obsessive about eating all her food as I am. In our case, the superstition came true!

  3. meladjusted says:

    Hahaha – I’m a mom – I lie to my kids all the time. I’ll stop a little now – thanks to your informative post – but they’ve got to eat something other than cheese and crackers!

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