You know when you feel like you need to poop, but you just can’t even after sitting on the toilet for ages? You know how you walk away from that ordeal without any feeling of satisfaction, with your stomach still grumbling and gurgling – and feeling like you could’ve better spent that time reading a book or doing something else more fulfilling than planting your ass on a toilet for a long time without anything to show for it?

That’s what playing Assassin’s Creed: Revelations feels like. A complete waste of time.

It’s rehashed gameplay with nothing compelling about the plot. I just want to finish it because I’ve been led along by carrots in the previous two games, and now I just want to know what all that dumb alien shit is all about so that I can get some closure. Sometimes I wish I wasn’t so anal about completing a game or finding out what happens at the end of the story.

Assassin's Creed Revelations

Ezio, I am disappoint.

Update: I just finished the game last night. It was, as expected, completely unfulfilling. The only “revelation” in the game was that there’ll be at least one other game I’ll have to play through in order to get any decent answers.

I did receive an epiphany though: I no longer give a damn about any of the characters or the plot of the series. Unless the next game is a proper update with new and revamped gameplay, this franchise is dead to me!

The Assassin’s Creed goes “Nothing is true.; everything is permitted.” Which is a pretty dumb self-important sounding creed if you think about it. Play the games though, and you’ll realize that the REAL Assassin’s Creed goes:

“Nothing is new; everything is recycled.”


About Drew

I love videogames, movies, my wife and my dog (in no particular order).

2 responses »

  1. michaeljones909 says:

    Hey Drew…A constipated Assassin hahaha!! well what can you say,i guess even the tough guys have their off days 🙂
    Its funny you should mention this now though,it was actually one of the games i was thinking of buying.
    I’ve never had a console before and i’m just trying to decide between ps3 or xbox,a few of the other games i was looking at were Halo,Gears Of War,Mw3 and Gran Turismo oh and the new Resident Evil,but now ill make sure i view them in the shop before i buy them! 🙂

    • drewpan says:

      Hey Michael, if you’ve never owned a console before, the console game you need to play is Batman: Arkham City. That really is an amazing game, and plays wonderfully on a console! I’m an Xbox guy myself, but that’s an argument I’ll stay out of. Best to see which consoles your friends own, because it’s much more fun playing MW3 with people you know and can safely trash-talk with over voice-chat.

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